Inspirations #1

SOOO.. LET'S TALK INSPIRATION!

Lately I've been on social media a wholeeeee bunch, and I've seen so many inspiring accounts and posts and they're all just overwhelming me. So here are a few that I picked to show today.

#1: Sensitive Black Person

@sensitiveblackperson

I have high respects for this being, and I say being instead of girl because she doesn't prefer the pronouns she/her, but rather they/them. Besides being only 15 years old, this young one is a photographer, contributor for Rookie, an activist, and the list can go on and on. She literally makes me jealous because she has already accomplishes so much at such a young age, and I'm 16 and I haven't really accomplished anything.

Her photos are absolutely amazing. She certainly has an eye for taking pictures. The contrast of most of her photos and the quality is just great. And on top of that, she still manages to keep her grades decent with having AP classes.

I really wish I knew her because I feel like we would be really good friends.

#2: Rian Phin

@thatadult

Rian Phin is a YouTuber, blogger, feminist, and contributor for Rookie also. I first saw her YouTube videos and I was hooked instantly!! I could not stop watching. She inspired me soo much to thrift shop and to start dressing like I actually cared lol, because before I would literally throw on some sweatpants and a hoodie and leave the house. Now I actually plan out what I'm gonna wear, and part of that is because of her.

She has these amazing DIY clothing videos that can save you money BIG TIME. I swear like, this woman is amazing. 

That's all for now, I'll do more inspiration posts later.

Goodbye loves (:

Lauryn

What's It Like Being You?

The life of me.
Yikes.

There's really nothing to say about my life besides it being one big mess. Right now, yes, my life is a mess. I'm a mess. Hot, steaming mess. My room right now looks like a tornado flew through it. Clothes all over the place, desk all messed and torn up. I don't even want to do my homework in there because I'll get distracted thinking about the mess my room is.

Speaking of homework, I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING IT. Well, I have. But it's been a real struggle. It's so hard trying to learn new stuff, especially in Chemistry and Trig. Those are my two worst subjects. I don't know if I can make it through the rest of the semester without completely losing my mind.

But wait, Lauryn, you still haven't told us what it's like being you.

YOU'RE CORRECT.

What is it like being me? Good question. I actually don't know.

Lauryn is a person, a human being, with little knowledge of herself. She has no idea of who she is and why she's here. She constantly questions herself and questions the world and is often looked at as "odd" or "crazy, in a good way." She wants to be everything but is nothing in reality, because her soul can't quite grasp onto what she wants. She is everything in the universe yet she's nothing on earth. And she's sorry to get all weirdly poetic on you, but she can't help it.

Why does she keep talking in third person?
OK stop.


A little about my life, no I don't know what I want to be. And it frustrates me everyday. I feel so unprepared.. like I'm going to wake up one day and my whole life has passed me by. I don't want that. I want to know what lies ahead of me so I can prepare myself for it.... but I know that isn't possible in today's world.


I wake up and look in the mirror and I don't particularity like what I see.. but I mask myself with "beauty" to make myself look better. And I quoted "beauty" because it's only what society thinks makes women look beautiful. Natural beauty is key, I'm just not comfortable with that natural beauty thing yet.. my face is off lol. It used to be so cute and proportional, but it's not anymore.


I'll continue this little rant some other day lol.

Until then,

Lauryn

Thought #4: Can Minorities Be Racist?

Today, I was trying to have an interesting conversation with someone about racism. The question was asked, "Can minorities be racist?"

Just a disclaimer, this is only what I believe is the truth. I know many people have different opinions on this topic and anything can be true depending on how you define racism. 

I define racism as a group of people who have power wherever they are and use it against the minorities around them. And, to me, those people are white people.

Now I just want to say, I have nothing against white people. Half of my family is white, and I love them. 

In America, minorities don't have overall power. And we don't have the overall population, not yet at least. 

I read a paragraph by David Pilgrim of The Jim Crow Museum. It reads, "I would not be a sociologist worth my salt if I did not acknowledge that racial minorities (and women) do not have a proportionate share of power, prestige, property, and privilege... a minority (seen as a category) does not have the same or as many opportunities to hurt (discriminate against) the majority group."

I just really can't believe that minorities can be racist. Because in order to be racist you have to have power and privilege, but in this country they don't have that. So how does that make any sense?

I guess I will just have to do more research on this because everyone in my class was trying to prove me wrong. They are just not seeing it from another point of view, which I guess is true for me, too. So tonight I will be looking more into this subject. 

Thought #3: Tarot Reading, Epiphanies, And A Yearning For A New Lifestyle

Recently, I came across this person on Instagram who does tarot readings online. If you don't know what tarot readings are, it's basically just like reading your future, per say.

She was saying some stuff that really pertained to my life, such as in having a creative breakthrough and a major change in my life. Like, my likes and my dislikes, my hobbies, etc. And it was really true. I have no idea where she got this information lol but it really fit me. And I'm going to take that information and use it in my life. 

She was basically saying how a sudden passion has showed up in my life, which is true. I recently have started loving art and photography and getting more and more intrigued by it, and wanting to make works of my own. And she said that I shouldn't be afraid of change, because new doors are opening for me in my life. She said I should take what life gives me. She also said other stuff about my anxiety and my fears, but we're not going to get into all of that lolol. 

Recently I've been feeling really out of place. Almost as if I don't really belong anywhere. I'm talking about my race, my personality, my gender and et cerera. I don't really fit in anywhere, really. No one really "gets" me, if you know what I mean. And there's nothing wrong with that I guess. It's just somewhat disappointing that I can't find one single person near me to hang out with on a daily basis and we actually have the same hobbies and stuff. If I can just find one friend like that, I'll be satisfied.

Now don't get me wrong, I love the friends I have. They really have gotten me through rough times. Seriously. It's been a journey and the ones who stayed are the real ones. And I truly love them for that. 

My lifestyle just has been changing a lot lately. And I feel like my life is transitioning into a new phase. But there's no one to really relate to that. I don't know anyone (at least near me) who loves the type of art that I do, likes photography, listens to music that I do, and so on and so forth. And it's somewhat disappointing. 

But anyway, I'm done ranting now.

Lauryn

ColourPop Review: Best flipping lip brand!

I just want to start by saying that COLOURPOP HAS THE BEST MATTE LIPGLOSS I HAVE EVER USED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I bought 5 colors from them: Avenue, StingRAYE, Tulle, Limbo, and Bad Habit and oh my god. When I say these colors are absulutely beautiful, I mean it. Hopefully I'll have some pictures of them right here.

It goes on like gloss at first, and they after about 20 seconds it starts to become matte. And it feels natural! You can barely tell that you even have lip product on.

Recently, ColourPop has been getting a lot of attention. Well, more than they used to. Everyone I know is now like, "Oh yeah, I have heard of them. I just ordered from them, I hope they're good." And I'm just like "HECK YEAH THEY'RE GOOD??!???"

I have been searching for the perfect lip brand and I'm pretty sure I have found it. I loceeeeee love love ColourPop, and when I order more colors I will be sure to do a more in-depth review! 

If you want to see me with their lipstick on, you can go on my Instagram @laurynevelynn

Lauryn

Thought #2: Negative Energy, Stress Relief, and Reality

Do you ever have one of those days where you just think about your life? All the good things, all the bad things, all the positives and negatives, and all that you take for granted?

I get mad thinking about my life. Actually, not mad. I don't know what I feel. My mind is just like one big scribble when I think about my existence.

"Why do I exist?" I always ask myself. "What is my purpose?" And I'm still not able to answer this question. Someone asked me today if I knew what I wanted to go to school for, and I said I don't know. I am only a sophomore but it seems like everyone else that is my age has their whole life planned out. I feel so far back, like the odd one out.

I'm not really good at much, and I've never really had a specific talent that I am really good at. I used to dance, but I quit. I used to play piano, but I stopped going to lessons so now I can't read music; I either look on YouTube or listen to the song I want to play and try my best to search for the notes. I took violin lessons, but I quit. I suck at poetry, I can't draw but I love art. Photography is cool, too. But my DSLR lens is broken at the moment, so that prevents me from taking photos AND also from furthering my "YouTube career." I don't even know why I started one, I hate being in front of the camera. And I also hate talking. That's one major thing I'm really not good at. Especially when I first meet someone. It's insane how awkward I am. That's probably why people don't ever approach me lol.

I've always wanted to start a group of inspirational youth. But with no friends (at least who have the same visions I do) and no resources, what can I do? Nothing. Sit back and watch other peoples ideas sprout and come to life. Depressing much?

So far life has been one big bottomless black hole. And I have to look forward to the end of that black hole, aka THE FUTURE (cue the suspense music).

I need to meditate, read more, create more art, and take more pictures to relieve me of my stress. -_-


I was reading this book called The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life and it talks about how us modern human beings have a different way of viewing "Reality" than how people did back in ancient days. It also talks about how different we breath in prana, which is the life-force energy of the whole universe, then they did.

People now and days are very closed-minded and ignorant and stubborn when it comes to spiritual and metaphysical topics like this. Everyone believes their own thing when it comes to God and Reality. There are so many different theories and concepts and ideas, that almost everyone has something different to say about it. What we don't understand is that we all are like apples from the same tree. We come from the same place, and we all are of the same Oneness (as said in the book).

Many people do not know about the pineal gland, which is the spot on your forehead right in between your eyebrows which allows you to view what your naked eye could not see.
We also have an counter-rotating energy field surrounding us called the MerKaBa. It resembles a 3-D version of the Star of David.

There is a tube that runs from both the apexes of the MerKaba. This tube used to run with prana, and we used to know how to breath from this dude. But in time we forgot how to properly breath in prana from this tube.

I really want to learn how to restore my breathing back to the way it used to be. This should help me a lot emotionally and physically.

Do I Dare Try Something New?

I never would have thought that I would write poetry.

My mom always wrote poetry, even now she still does.

She always used to tell me, "Just think of anything to write and write it. It doesn't matter if it rhymes or what it's about."

I never really followed her words.

This year, I'm going to try and start writing poetry.

I've already got a couple of poems on Wattpad. 

My name is @laurynevelynn on Wattpad, check them out. (:

-Lauryn

Dated, January 1, 2016

I've been reading up on the philosophies of time and all the theories the coexist with it. It's really interesting what people are saying about time.

Basically, some people were saying how only things that are in the present (experiences, objects, etc.) are real and that the past and the future aren't real and that is proven by the memories of the past and the expectations of the future.

Time is objective. But in my opinion, the measurement and perception of time is subjective and man-made. Time will keep moving even without a clock.

Don't you know how when you take a nap and you think you've only slept for 5 minutes, it turns out that you have been asleep for 3 hours?

Did time change or did the general notion of it change?

Another thing: you notice how when you want time to fly by fast, it goes by slow. And vise-versa. Why is that?

Based on your thinking, you perception of time is different. So if you are paying attention to time because you want it to go by fast, you're thinking too much about how badly you want the clock to tick faster.

And if you don't want time to go by because you are having fun, then you're not really focusing on the clock, but more about the good time you are having.

I want to read more about these theories and post way more about them, because this is totes interesting.

Lauryn